Doomtown

After five months of eating everything in sight, I've decided it's time to get back on the wagon. Again . I know, I know. I've done this before. In my defense, my entire dieting regiment was thrown off kilter in May when I was dealing with an excruciatingly painful canker sore on the roof of my mouth. By the time it healed, I would have raised Terry Pratchett from the dead and punched him in his awesome face if it meant I could eat anything that wasn't of a cold mashed potato consistency. I love me some Terry Pratchett, but I love food more. Nothing personal, dude. So I'm back to calorie counting and exercising. I've even added swimming to my workout routine. It's a good calorie burner, even though I need a freaking life belt to keep afloat. You would think with all the junk I have in my trunk I wouldn't need a floatation device. I asked Neesa Johnson , a colleague of mine, her opinion on the matter, and she suggested to me that I mig...

My friend and coworker Sage Wagner of Sage Bodywork Nola and Balance Spa and Fitness was voted one of New Orleans' 2015 top 20 professionals in VIP Magazine. He is most awesome. Check him out in VIP Magazine's 16th issue (Page 33). Book your massage with him today. I command you!

Clients often ask me, "What did you have to do to become a massage therapist? You have to go to school for that kind of thing?" I, being the puckish lass that I am, usually reply with a long story somewhere on the level of the twelve labors of Hercules. Sometimes, ninjas are mentioned. After we've both had a good laugh, they'll ask again, "No, really. What did you have to do?" So I tell them, and they're usually surprised at the amount of schooling required to be licensed and certified. And that doesn't include what I have to do to keep same. It's a time consuming and costly endeavor to become an MT . You have to know all the muscles in the body, where they're located, and what they do, but that's just the start. You also need to know when you can or cannot work on a client (contraindications). You need to take an ethics class, probably because most people equate massage with quotation marks around the word. As I've mentioned before...

I have recently become the queen of passive-aggressive notes at my workplace. I'm a massage therapist, as many of you know, and I work at various places in and around the Greater New Orleans area. On Sundays, I work at a spa in the CBD. I won't tell you which one because I don't want to scare off the clientele. This is ironic considering how often my boss gripes at me to post something for the company's Facebook page. I don't think she would approve of this tale of yuck, though. Also, she might frown upon the fact that I'm contemplating physical harm against one of her employees. I'm usually a live and let live type of gal, but I've reached the end of my rope, and it looks like there's a noose at the end of this one. Handy. So here's the situation. There are two rooms specifically set aside for massage, and both rooms are shared amongst a handful of massage therapists. The way it's supposed to work is you set up your room for the day...

Neesa Johnson, LMT. THE USUAL UNUSUAL DISCLAIMER: I certify that the information given in this interview is correct and accurately reflects my past and current thoughts and feelings regarding the spa industry. I will notify the interviewer of any changes in mind-set, but probably not, because I totally know what I’m talking about. Like, seriously. I understand the information requested will assist the interviewer as well as the general public (who have no idea just how crazy the industry can get) in finding the right spa/massage therapist/etc. I totally give consent to have these questions blogged for all to see, and am not being held at gunpoint by the interviewer until I answer all of her questions so that she can make her deadline because she is running late with her post yet again. Honest... help me! Karma Girl: When did you first know you wanted to become a massage therapist instead of a doctor, lawyer, or pony…Not that I’ve ever wanted to be any of those things. ...

I hate out calls, and not just because of the seedy connotations the term brings up. Just google the word, and you'll see what I mean. No, I will not "enlarge" so you can take down Cassie's digits. Pervert. For those of you not "looking for a good time", an outcall is when the massage therapist comes to you. My spa offers this service (The legal kind. Not the happy ending type.). My boss won't force a therapist to do an outcall, but seeing as you get half the amount of the massage plus gratuity, it's a damn tempting offer. Still, it's the type of work I dread for various reasons. First, there's the hassle of schlepping a portable table to the clients location. This isn't so bad if they're located at the same hotel as the spa, but if they're staying at the Ritz or Harrah's or any of the dozen or so hotels in the area, I have to worry about transporting the thing across town. This isn't fun, especially when my bo...

The other day, a client asked me what the difference was between Swedish massage and deep tissue. If I had a dollar for every time I was asked that question...well, I wouldn't have enough money to quit my job, but I'd be able to pay my electric bill for the month. Since I have a limited amount of time to explain things between clients, I just tell them it's a difference in pressure which is true and not true at the same time. Since I'm not currently at work, I've decided to take time out of my busy schedule to explain the differences between the various modalities. Oh, and I'm running late with my third post of the month, so there's that too. 1. SWEDISH MASSAGE I've mentioned before that chair massage is massage with training wheels . It's what I suggest to clients who've never had a massage and are a bit leery over the whole "take off your clothes" thing. This is silly since Louisiana state law prohibits me from working on or eve...

Many of you- the two people who actually read this blog ...probably-must be wondering where the hell I've been since I haven't posted anything in, like, forever. It's been a while, I know, but I'm still here. I've just been too busy cursing Mardi Gras traffic and getting over a sinus infection. And trying to make it to yoga class. And catching up on all the stories I was supposed to read for the last writer's circle meeting I went to. And the stories from the meeting I missed due to the aforementioned sinus infection. Suffice it to say, I've been a busy, busy bee.   So, it's been close to ten years since I started this blog . A lot of you (both of you) might be wondering what I have planned for the year ahead. World domination is totally out of the question as I am too much of a procrastinating slacker to even come close to realizing that dream. Mostly I just plan to keep on writing like I always do and pray someone pays attention. And that someon...

After seeing this awesome tee and learning I could make my own for free, I figured I'd give it a try. The company is called Teespring and this is how it works, as per their site : 1. Launch a campaign Use our  online designer  to create your perfect item. You can upload your own design or work with our library of over 10,000 pieces of clip art and more than 50 fonts. 2. Set a sales goal (tipping point) Decide the number of shirts you plan on selling. This is the minimum you need to sell for the shirts to be printed. 3. Add a brief title and description to explain your campaign This is where you can describe the tee, link to your website, or explain your cause. 4. Share and spread the word Share your campaign page with supporters and collect pre-orders towards your goal. There is no risk for a buyer to pre-order: they will only be charged if the goal is reached. 5. Reach your goal and the shirts get printed You can continue to sell shirts past your goal un...

My body is a hot mess, and I’m not just being Southern and overly humble about my looks. I am falling apart faster than a creationist’s argument , make no mistake. And for those of you who advocate creationism, please be aware that I’m in pain. I make no apologies when I’m in pain. I probably wouldn’t apologize even if I were feeling well enough to walk without limping or cursing, but the last thing I need right now is to be attacked by an angry mob of Ben Steins. I don’t care how good he was in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off . His stoic refusal of established scientific fact is rather irritating. This picture explains so much. It started out a beautiful sunny Friday. I didn’t have to be at work until 3 P.M and I was slowly, yet surely catching up to my NaNoWriMo word count. All was right with the world. My husband, our friend James , and I decided we were going to eat lunch at Messina ’s at the Terminal before I left for work. That’s when my day went to complete and utter hell...

Bol's Eye by Shaun Boland I've often told my husband that, should we win the lotto, the first thing I'm going to do is hire my own personal massage therapist. Until then, I've made do by trading massages every other week with one of my coworkers. The therapist I trade with is so good at what she does, I've informed her that she's at the top of my hire list should that fiscally worry free day occur. A lot of you massage virgins out there might think receiving a massage twice a month is an insane luxury, but for us massage therapists, it's much needed maintenance. Most body workers that leave the industry quit due to repetitive motion injury. I've been in the business for over four years, and I don't think I've ever met a massage therapist that didn't complain about some kind of upper body pain. If your occupation requires you to do any kind of repetitive action on a daily basis (any occupation dealing with computer work, hair stylist, de...