Doomtown

The Usual Unusual Disclaimer: The jokes on this blog are for entertainment purposes only. Doomtown is not responsible for any injuries acquired while laughing your ass off, nor will we provide the reader with a new ass as replacement. Doomtown is not responsible for, and expressly disclaims all liability for, damages of any kind arising out of use, reference to, or reliance on any information contained within the site that might make the reader feel butt hurt enough to sue us. Should the reader still desire to bring suit against the blog, please feel free to contact our lawyers at Dewey, Cheatem, and Howe. Karma Girl: How did you get into the comedy/improv biz? Did it have something to do with rubber chickens? Stephanie Webb: I've always had a passion for comedy. A few years ago I even started writing sketches for fun, I had the itch, as they say, but I didn't know where to go from there.  Not too long after I was working as a hostess at a restaurant...

My friend and coworker Sage Wagner of Sage Bodywork Nola and Balance Spa and Fitness was voted one of New Orleans' 2015 top 20 professionals in VIP Magazine. He is most awesome. Check him out in VIP Magazine's 16th issue (Page 33). Book your massage with him today. I command you!

[ View the story "Doomtown Theater Presents: Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death" on Storify ]

Join me on Twitter this Tuesday for Doomtown Theater's live-tweet review of Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death , a movie about feminism, avocados, and whatever the hell Bill Maher was doing before Politically Incorrect .

D.J. Paris After working an entire day in a pair of pants that are one donut away from not fitting me anymore, I read this and laughed. I really needed that. This month's Lazy Time Reblog is dedicated to D.J. Paris and his blog, Thoughts From Paris . You can follow him here on Twitter or here on Facebook , and be sure to subsribe to his blog. I Used to Wear Tight Jeans – A Confession There has been an unfortunate trend over the past few years where men, usually in their late-teens to early twenties, have started to purchase and wear “skinny” jeans.  I’m talking about the jeans that are not just tight in the seat or waist, but in the legs, too. I think most of us can agree that this is not a masculine look.  I’m not saying it’s a terrible look.  I don’t like it, personally.  But guys dress for women and men wouldn’t be wearing jeans like this if girls didn’t respond.  It’s strikingly effeminate in my opinion, and my experience with wo...

Have you ever encountered the type of person that just couldn’t help putting things off until the last second? I’m talking about the kind of idiot who, when given an assignment will inevitably be found madly typing two hours before deadline, hoping they make it to zero hour with a finished project in hand. The type of person who, when out of ideas, will cobble something together that would make Frankenstein’s monster shudder and exclaim, “No, no, no! I think we could do better than that.” I know of no such person.   "The hell, you say! Arg." On an unrelated note, this month’s Doomtown Feature Interview is with Karma Girl, AKA Karen Williams, massage therapist and blogger of that spiffy blog, Doomtown . It is quiet excellent. I’ve heard. THE USUAL UNUSUAL DISCLAIMER: Don’t bother asking yourself if this whole thing is “meta”. You’ll give yourself a headache. KARMA GIRL: How do we start this thing, anyway? Am I the interviewer or are you? KAREN WILLI...

Clients often ask me, "What did you have to do to become a massage therapist? You have to go to school for that kind of thing?" I, being the puckish lass that I am, usually reply with a long story somewhere on the level of the twelve labors of Hercules. Sometimes, ninjas are mentioned. After we've both had a good laugh, they'll ask again, "No, really. What did you have to do?" So I tell them, and they're usually surprised at the amount of schooling required to be licensed and certified. And that doesn't include what I have to do to keep same. It's a time consuming and costly endeavor to become an MT . You have to know all the muscles in the body, where they're located, and what they do, but that's just the start. You also need to know when you can or cannot work on a client (contraindications). You need to take an ethics class, probably because most people equate massage with quotation marks around the word. As I've mentioned before...

The so-bad-it's-good genre of movie is a hard one to pull off. Usually when it happens, the creator of the film is going for serious drama, not laughs. Some film makers are willing to accept this type of thing in stride. Mountains of money will do wonders for loss of dignity. Pictured above: Sweet consolation. I'm not sure what the creators of Zombeavers were going for. Either they were attempting to make a SBIG horror story like Sharknado , or they were honestly hoping for a Cabin in the Woods style of horror. It's hard to say. Either way, they failed. The plot and the truly terrible special effects could have worked for SBIG, but the characters weren't funny, unintentional or otherwise. They were irritating, and I prayed for their deaths just to get them to shut up. The dialogue seemed like the writers were trying for unintentional humor, but most of the "jokes" fell flat. Zombeavers had its moments and might have been improved with better editi...

I know what you're thinking. Picking a post from my own blog goes beyond lazy and straight into lackadaisical nihilism, but there's a method to my apathy. This Wednesday, I'll be celebrating Doomtown's ten year anniversary. Because I'm lazy, I probably won't do anything more taxing then put up a few extra posts, order a pizza, and break open the bottle of Champagne I bought on clearance. Because I know how to party. Ha. So, in honor of ten years (nonconsecutive in the case of 2007 and 2010) of socially awkward ranty goodness, here is Doomtown's very first post entitled, Welcome to My Hell . The title says it all. Enjoy! Friday, June 10, 2005 Welcome To My Hell I promised myself I would never stoop to starting one of these damn things. As a kid, I had an obsession with unfinished diaries. I would see one at a book store, ooh and ahh over the thing. I would buy it. I would keep it for a week, tops. Then I would throw it in my bedroom closet t...

Larry Gegenheimer Jr., 3rd Degree Black Belt The Usual Unusual Disclaimer: The beatings will continue until moral improves. Karma Girl: According to your Facebook profile, you are a martial arts instructor at Kuk Sool Won of Gretna . What is Kuk Sool Won, and where did you learn it? Bonus points if your answer is Shaolin monks! Larry : Shaolin monks are Chinese. Kuk Sool is a Korean art.   I learned it in Terrytown (a far cry from Shaolin monasteries).   It is a traditional art that encompasses every martial art Korea has.   Our Grand Master put all that he learned into one system and called it Kuk Sool which means National Martial Art.   It is recognized as Korea 's national martial art. Karma Girl: Your Facebook profile also states your profession as Case Manager/Misdemeanor Probation Officer. I assume you deal with criminals, and if so, do your two jobs ever intermesh? Is there a 24th Judicial District Court fight montage floating around ...

I have recently become the queen of passive-aggressive notes at my workplace. I'm a massage therapist, as many of you know, and I work at various places in and around the Greater New Orleans area. On Sundays, I work at a spa in the CBD. I won't tell you which one because I don't want to scare off the clientele. This is ironic considering how often my boss gripes at me to post something for the company's Facebook page. I don't think she would approve of this tale of yuck, though. Also, she might frown upon the fact that I'm contemplating physical harm against one of her employees. I'm usually a live and let live type of gal, but I've reached the end of my rope, and it looks like there's a noose at the end of this one. Handy. So here's the situation. There are two rooms specifically set aside for massage, and both rooms are shared amongst a handful of massage therapists. The way it's supposed to work is you set up your room for the day...

Hollywood, it seems, is big on reboots . Lots and lots of reboots . So I wasn't surprised when I heard Sony is remaking The Craft , a movie that came out in 1996 BSM (Before Social Media) about what happens when you give a group of teenage girls magical powers. This, but with magic missile and a levitating Fairuza Balk . A lot of people from my generation (what you youngsters born After Social Media call "old people") are worried it couldn't possibly live up to the original and that Sony will screw it up like Universal screwed up Jem and the Holograms . I, personally, don't care what they do. I liked the movie when it came out, but it wasn't so life changing that I'm ready to hold a Sony exec hostage until I see a copy of the script. And it's not like this is a George Lucas film . The original is still out there for me to enjoy if the new movie turns out to suck major gopher wang. But before Sony inevitably does shit on my childhood, I had a ...

Join me on Twitter this tuesday at 10:30 PM for this month's ‪#‎ DoomtownTheater‬ live-tweet movie review of ‪#‎ TheCraft‬ before Sony up and destroys your childhood.   "Too...many...Cheesy...Poofs!" "Shut the fuck up, Nancy."

I have a love hate relationship with food. I love its glorious deliciousness, yet hate when it betrays me with hideous love handles and belly fat. Usually I try to be careful in my eating habits. This week...not so much. This week it was anything goes-or rather, anything goes that doesn't cause me pain because I have a canker sore on the roof of my mouth. I know you really needed to know that, but take heart in the fact that I've never informed any of you bitches when I have hemorrhoids. Just saying. It's a testament to how much pain I was in that I would even bother to go to the doctor for something so seemingly trivial. I'd like to say the sinus infection I came down with pushed me over the edge, but if I'm being honest, it was the food. I'm on my husband's health plan now, but years of being uninsured have engrained in me a deep seated fear of doctors bills. But I went anyway. I'm insured now, and when you feel like someone is stabbing you in the si...