Doomtown

A couple weeks ago, I had the privilege of attending my 20 year high school reunion . Twenty. The big Two Zero. It's been two whole decades since I walked down that stage in my cap, gown, and overly teased hairdo to receive the rewards of my high school endeavors-a diploma and the satisfaction of never having to sleep through another algebra class again...a rather hasty assumption , I would learn later in life. It was the first reunion I had ever bothered to attend and for good reason. I didn't have a lot of friends back then. To say I wasn't very popular in high school would be a major understatement. I was a chubby, leaning towards corpulent teenager with acne so bad you might as well have called them boils, a sense of style that should have had me busted by the fashion police on a daily basis, and the social skills of Lisbeth Salander -minus her staggering intelligence. A lot of people who didn't know me back then think I exaggerate when I describe teenage me, a...

There's nothing more depressing than finding out your twenty year high school reunion is just around the corner, especially since I never did much with my life. I would love to pull a Martin Blank and tell everyone I became a brain surgeon or what not while simultaneously leading them to believe I became some kind of covert operative/killer for hire, but let's face it, I'm no John Cusack nor have I ever been. I was a fat, pimply face kid in high school and even more socially awkward than I am now. I've decided to go anyway. Mostly because I like to punish myself. They even had an information sheet for all us old timers to fill out. Of course, I answered these questions with the usual grace and aplomb I am known for. Here are the highlights: John Ehret High School - Class of 1994 20 Year Reunion Information Sheet PLEASE PRINT!! Children: Number: 0 Names & Ages: I'm childless, but if I had a child, I would probably name it Abstinence or Purity or...