Doomtown

On February 15th of this year, my sister Tammy, having become dissatisfied with the swinging life of the single divorcée, rejoined the ranks of the happily married. A year ago, her boyfriend Larry asked her to be his wife. Her first marriage was a roller coaster ride of badness, so here's for hoping the next go round will be all of the good and none of the suck. I, personally, think she's onto a good thing as Larry is a pretty decent guy. He has a job, probably doesn't have a police record, and isn't the kind of guy to get physically or verbally abusive unless his Sims characters do shit he doesn't want them to do. Even then he'll only yell passive aggressively at the computer screen. Shut your damn pie hole, Horned-Emo-Potter-Sim, and go make me a sandwich! Larry is a Kuk Sool Won instructor with a black belt and has a degree in English and Philosophy. He has a weakness for computer games, his comic book collection, and women wit...

My sister Tammy is getting married this Saturday, and I'm her maid of honor. As such, I was told that I would be responsible for planning the bachelorette party. My first thought was, "Crap! I'm going to have to figure out a place to have this thing. I'm going to have to figure out catering and booze and make sure everyone has a designated driver. I'm going to have to hire a stripper." My next thought was, "I'm going to have to hire a stripper. Hell yeah!" This thought came moments before she told me that absolutely, under no circumstances was I to hire a male stripper to this shindig. Kill all my fun, why don't you . Because I love my sister-and because she's going to be the matron of honor in my wedding and will find all sorts of clever ways to get her revenge should I disregard her wishes-I did as I was told. I'm a good girl, I am. What could have been. The venue, at least, was easy enough to figure out. She wanted to have...