Doomtown

Goofing off on Facebook, I came across this article from BuzzFeed titled 24 People Who Are Really Nailing ThisParenting Thing . Number 10 was especially touching. One parent-whose kid suffers from seizures and is on a special, candy restricted diet-mailed out toys to different houses in his neighborhood just before Halloween so his kid wouldn’t miss out on the fun. Everyone was moved by this, discussing what a nifty idea it was until one of the commenters admitted to a most egregious sin: She passed out toothbrushes and pencils instead of candy or toys! The horror! Of course, this caused a shit storm of controversy—especially between two commentators, Kira Ader and Zvonko Katic . Guess which comment was mine: Karen Sumpter : I've passed out toothbrushes and pencils in the past. Kira Ader : And everyone hated you for it. The kids hated you because they wanted candy and the parents hated you because they then had to listen to their kids whine about not getting candy. Ha...

I've discovered a new yoga stance. It's called the Pee-Pee Stance. To perform the first posture in this stance, squeeze your thighs together hard enough to make diamonds from coal. The next posture requires you to bite your lip while furtively peeking at the exits. The final posture: runner's stance. This is followed by a mad dash through the nearest exit while simultaneously hopping up and down, searching a maze of halls for a bathroom...or, in pinch, a potted plant. Not one of the most comfortable yoga positions out there, but still...could be worse. I started working at a spa in a hotel in New Orleans a couple weeks ago and today marked my first meeting. Unfortunately, this meeting was held at eight in the morning and we were all supposed to arrive at 7:45. I was running late, but not too late to drink a huge ass mug of coffee. Because there's always time for coffee. Always . I made it there at 7:45 on the dot, considered myself lucky that my boss had yet ...

I had an interesting conversation with my cousin on Facebook last week regarding the hoopla over the supreme court ruling on gay marriage . I've come to discover the woman is a bit of a religious nut. I can't really throw stones here since I grew up Assembly of God and was a bit of a bible thumper myself back in the day. I'm Agnostic now, mostly because whenever I asked important questions like, "But why is it wrong to be a homosexual?" the answer was usually an unsatisfactory, "Because the bible tells me so," type deal. This would lead to a rousing game of circular logic starting with me asking, "Yeah, but why?" with the previous answer being repeated over and over again. My misspent holy-rolling, grain of doubt youth came flashing back to me after my cousin posted this as her status: Wow unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter! ...

I made certain promises if my Facebook page reached over 50 likes. No, I will not be showing my boobs again, but to show my gratitude, I'm offering a sneak peek of chapter 2 of my next book (still unnamed). I might even hold a contest that would allow the winner to come up with the title. Not because I'm lazy or anything. (Insert shifty eyes here.) As for the promises of martinis and strippers, feel free to use your imagination. For those of you without an imagination but still in the greater New Orleans area, I'm sure you'll have no problem finding a place that serves alcohol with scantily clad dancers. Just throw a rock, I should think. Chapter Two “I’ll just announce you,” Mrs. Messerschmitt said, gesturing for me to take a seat in the waiting area. I was having none of that. I rushed past her making a beeline for the office door. The silly woman tried to block my path, but I feinted to the left before dodging to the right and snuck past her. Usually t...

You find the most interesting literature on Smashwords. Yes, I know. I published on Smashwords . Here are just a few eyebrow raising gems I found while looking for bargains. I included the last one because the cover art drew me in. 1. Showgirls and Aliens by Darrell B Nelson. Suggested price: $4.95 Description: A fast, fun story about Reptiles vs. Strippers. Former Gymnast, Nomi, lost hope after her parents were killed. She's now a drug using stripper. When she is on acid she can see the alien reptiles that rule the Earth in their true form. She learns the reptiles been enslaving mankind, killed her parents, and have targeted her to host a new breed of reptiles. She must defeat the reptiles that enslave the Earth. Or she will be impregnated by them. 2. Rachel and the magic shot by Dora Igaz. Price: $1.99 Description: Why do we sometimes go to the doctor's even when we feel perfectly fine? What are shots good for? How scared should...

I promised a sneak peek of chapter one of the next Mercy Cross book if my Facebook page  reached 30 likes. Mission accomplished. Here's the first draft. Enjoy! Mercy Bound #2 Chapter One I was in the upstairs bathroom listening to my Dead Milkmen mixed tape, brushing my teeth and shaking my ass to the beat of Punk Rock Girl when I got The Call. Not by the Lord or anything like that. I’ve got nothing against the big G or religion in general, but I’ve never really taken to it for the same reasons I’ve never taken to learning magic from my aunt. An aversion to adhering to authority, a foxhole mentality when it comes to prayer, and a nasty habit of asking silly questions such as, “Yeah, yeah, faith and all that, but how is it possible to fit all those animals onto one tiny boat?” made me a poor choice in acolytes. Nor was this particular call courtesy of Ma Belle, though a heads up would have been appreciated. It would have been nice to get a little warn...