Doomtown

Woke up this morning to find my internet connection was temporarily out. Pretending I knew what I was doing, I clicked on the internet access bars at the bottom right corner of my screen to see what the problem was. I found something interesting. "I think she's onto us, Special Agent Obvious."   Either someone has come up with a very imaginative internet handle, or the US government needs to retrain it's agents in the fine art of subterfuge.

There's nothing more depressing than finding out your twenty year high school reunion is just around the corner, especially since I never did much with my life. I would love to pull a Martin Blank and tell everyone I became a brain surgeon or what not while simultaneously leading them to believe I became some kind of covert operative/killer for hire, but let's face it, I'm no John Cusack nor have I ever been. I was a fat, pimply face kid in high school and even more socially awkward than I am now. I've decided to go anyway. Mostly because I like to punish myself. They even had an information sheet for all us old timers to fill out. Of course, I answered these questions with the usual grace and aplomb I am known for. Here are the highlights: John Ehret High School - Class of 1994 20 Year Reunion Information Sheet PLEASE PRINT!! Children: Number: 0 Names & Ages: I'm childless, but if I had a child, I would probably name it Abstinence or Purity or...

Author Rob Cerio Rob Cerio . Author. Screenwriter. Family man. Possible sufferer of multiple personality disorder (Captain Chaos...cough...sputter). He is best known for his Jake Price series ( Dimensional Games and Interdimensionally Yours, Jake Price ), a science fiction series about a "Dimensional Moderator". Cerio has contributed stories to the steampunk anthologies  Dreams of Steam II , Dreams of Steam III , and New Orleans by Gaslight and is a contributing writer for the Sci-fi web series, The Adventures of Keith Flippen . Rob has admitted he is not a fan of the Jayne hat , but I forgive him. The Usual Unusual Disclaimer: WARNING! Do not read blog near open flame. Do not stick blog in electrical socket. Do not read blog while taking a shower. Do not read blog while playing a harmonica and strumming a guitar. Reading blog while doing any of the above may cause blindness, seizures, outright confusion, and/or death. If any of these medical conditions occur w...

Author Brian Patrick McKinley interviewed me a while back for his blog, The Ravings of a Sick Mind . I was on my best behavior, of course...(trying so hard to look innocent). Be sure to visit his site for more interviews with the authors of the VWSG anthology, Fresh Blood . (Reblogged from The Ravings of a Sick Mind ) My series of interviews with the authors of  Fresh Blood continues today with the talented (and very funny) Karen Griffin! Tell us a little about yourself. How long have you been writing?  My name is not Karen Plaisance. Karen Plaisance is the name I use to hide from the voices. I am a hack writer/blogger/massage therapist. I don’t do happy ending. If you ask, I’m legally allowed to kill you with my t-bar. I’ve been writing since I was five. To be fair, A is for Apal wasn’t the bestseller I thought it would be, but I’m hoping for better sales with the reprint. I think it’ll do well with today’s hipster market.   No happy ending! You have been ...

My sister Tammy is getting married this Saturday, and I'm her maid of honor. As such, I was told that I would be responsible for planning the bachelorette party. My first thought was, "Crap! I'm going to have to figure out a place to have this thing. I'm going to have to figure out catering and booze and make sure everyone has a designated driver. I'm going to have to hire a stripper." My next thought was, "I'm going to have to hire a stripper. Hell yeah!" This thought came moments before she told me that absolutely, under no circumstances was I to hire a male stripper to this shindig. Kill all my fun, why don't you . Because I love my sister-and because she's going to be the matron of honor in my wedding and will find all sorts of clever ways to get her revenge should I disregard her wishes-I did as I was told. I'm a good girl, I am. What could have been. The venue, at least, was easy enough to figure out. She wanted to have...

Shannon Kitchens-Stonicher Shannon Kitchens-Stonicher is that fabulous mix of librarian, filmmaker, and part-time writer that makes me believe she just might be a superhero in her downtime...if there is such a thing for the Shannons of this world. Today, she joins us for an interview, and no, she will not be wearing a cape. Karma Girl: Please state your name, place of residence, and occupation for the record. Be aware, we know who you are and where to find you. Shannon : Shannon and part-time writer. Kitchens; Metairie , LA ; librarian by day, filmmaker by night. KG: You started a Kickstarter project in February of last year called The Adventures of Keith Flippen . Can you tell us a little bit about this project and how it got its start? Was the mafia involved? The space mafia, perhaps? Shannon: The Adventures of Keith Flippen is the story of Keith, a space-age Didgeridoo player, who is caught right in the middle of the epic, apparently endless, struggle betw...

I work with a guy who comes to work wearing sandals and baggy pants. He travels to Bali to learn Thai massage, dates a yoga instructor, and is the epitome of what you think about when you hear the word hippy . I got short with him earlier this evening, angry because he had gone over with his last client, making me late with the next. His tendency to do this has often made me wonder if he had given up on the concept of time as just another shackle placed on us by The Man. I hate being late more than anything. If that makes me part of the establishment, then so be it. Sensing my anger, he looked at me with his usual Zen-like calm and told me to, "Calm down, man. Don't let that negative energy infect you and mess up your massage," or some such thing. I wanted to stab him in his throat while yelling, "NAMASTE, MOTHERFUCKER!"  Cleaning my chakras is gonna be a real bitch after this one. I later learned my anger was unwarranted as the appointment was squeez...

I'm getting old. I know I'm getting old because lately, I've found myself questioning my beliefs regarding God and the meaning of life. That, and gray hair, aching joints, and the popping sounds each of those joints make every time I move. It's always encouraging as a massage therapist when the eighty year old client you're working on laughingly claims you snap, crackle, and pop more than he does. But mostly, it's the belief thing, and it's got me wondering if there really is a point to this crazy thing we call life. In the movies, when a man has a midlife crisis, he really begins to worry about death and what comes after. He also buys a toupee, trades his clunker for a fast car, and has numerous affairs with women half his age. At least, that's what Hollywood has led me to believe. I've got a boyfriend who satisfies all my needs (i.e. He buys me coffee when I run out...oh, and the sex! He makes with the sex. Can't forget that.)I don't have...

Every year since I turned thirty, I have made the same New Year's resolution: No making of New Year's resolutions. As resolutions go, it's a pretty easy one to keep. Or not, since its paradoxical nature ensures at least a tiny rip in the delicate fabric of the space-time continuum. What can I say? I love creating small paradoxes. When I was younger, my resolutions were more mundane. Stop eating so much junk food. Exercise more. Stop pining over celebrities I have little to no chance of meeting in real life and even less chance of ensnaring with my womanly wiles. Mel Gibson while I was undergoing puberty.    Mel after puberty...Resolution achieved!   The funny thing is, I never kept these resolutions until I stopped bothering to try. I gave up junk food one cookie and pastry at time. It wasn't a resolution made on New Year's Eve, but a decision made months later after taking a hard look in the...