Doomtown

No Lazy Time post today. In its stead, please allow me to entertain you with this short excerpt from my NaNoWriMo submission . A little more humorous than the last piece I posted . Certainly, there's a lot less Hitler in it. This is a rough draft, so no hating. Enjoy! Taming the Muse “I really fucking hate you,” I said as I stared at the blank page on the computer screen for what seemed like an eternity. I had been trying to write this stupid story for days, but nothing was coming to me. Nothing. At this point, I would have made do with one line of a dirty limerick, but the words were stuck somewhere in the ether. The blank page stared back at me, mocking me with its crisp white surface. “A piece of paper is an inanimate object, Emily my dear. It has no sentience, can not feel your ire, and therefore does not give a bloody crap what you think of it,” Grim said in that British Cockney accent I had thought was kind of cool when I first met him, but now just g...

After seeing this awesome tee and learning I could make my own for free, I figured I'd give it a try. The company is called Teespring and this is how it works, as per their site : 1. Launch a campaign Use our  online designer  to create your perfect item. You can upload your own design or work with our library of over 10,000 pieces of clip art and more than 50 fonts. 2. Set a sales goal (tipping point) Decide the number of shirts you plan on selling. This is the minimum you need to sell for the shirts to be printed. 3. Add a brief title and description to explain your campaign This is where you can describe the tee, link to your website, or explain your cause. 4. Share and spread the word Share your campaign page with supporters and collect pre-orders towards your goal. There is no risk for a buyer to pre-order: they will only be charged if the goal is reached. 5. Reach your goal and the shirts get printed You can continue to sell shirts past your goal un...

My body is a hot mess, and I’m not just being Southern and overly humble about my looks. I am falling apart faster than a creationist’s argument , make no mistake. And for those of you who advocate creationism, please be aware that I’m in pain. I make no apologies when I’m in pain. I probably wouldn’t apologize even if I were feeling well enough to walk without limping or cursing, but the last thing I need right now is to be attacked by an angry mob of Ben Steins. I don’t care how good he was in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off . His stoic refusal of established scientific fact is rather irritating. This picture explains so much. It started out a beautiful sunny Friday. I didn’t have to be at work until 3 P.M and I was slowly, yet surely catching up to my NaNoWriMo word count. All was right with the world. My husband, our friend James , and I decided we were going to eat lunch at Messina ’s at the Terminal before I left for work. That’s when my day went to complete and utter hell...

As I may have mentioned in previous posts , I consider myself to be Agnostic. This is often viewed with more confusion than hostility from both the secular and non secular public. The response I usually get when telling them about my belief system is, “So…you’re an Atheist is what you’re saying, right?” And to this, I will usually reply: “No, no. Well, not exactly.” And then I spend the next thirty minutes to an hour trying to explain what it is I do and do not believe in.   Basically I believe in the possibility of a God or Gods, but I’m not going to give a definitive answer on the subject until I receive some concrete, empirical proof. Since this proof will probably only come after I die-and maybe not even then-I’m keeping my options open until that tragic day. Because of this, I don’t subscribe to any particular religion. Personally, I doubt God/Goddess/Other cares one way or another how I celebrate His/Her/Its existence. If God/Goddess/Other is a good God, He/She/It would...

Still woefully behind on my word count, but here's a sample of what I have so far. This story is a little more serious than my usual stuff, so don't go into this expecting giggles. Unless the idea of Hitler's afterlife gives you the case of the happies. This is only a rough draft and is probably rife with spelling and grammar mistakes. Spellcheck SS and Grammar Nazis need not reply: Almost Eternal Avici   By Karen Williams, Written as Karen Plaisance   I found Hitler at the end of his life-that is to say, I found his spirit in the room where he died. This isn’t unusual. Most people, when they perish tarry in or near the area of their demise. For Adolf, this happened to be in the personal study of his Fuhrerbunker , a cold, damp room made to be as comfortable as possible for the former leader of the Third Reich. It must have been quite the shock for such a once powerful man to find himself alone in a tiny room, staring down upon the blood stained sofa whe...

I am tired. I am damn tired. I am soooo damn tired! You just don't know. Even though I told y'all at least three times. And I'm not just repeating myself to up my word count . Especially since I'm so far behind on my fifty-K submission, the NaNoWriMo stat site suggests that if I keep up this pace, I might be done with my fifty thousand words sometime in late January. I'm hoping to rectify this situation tomorrow night at the NaNo writer's Eastbank meet-up, but I'm not holding my breath. Still, I got a couple of good stories and two blog posts out of the deal (this one included) so it's all good. The reason I've been so lacking in vim and vigor lately is because I've foolishly agreed to work extra hours at the spa. This has got to be the worst possible time to do such a thing, but if my husband is willing to kill himself working two jobs, I can't very well refuse this form of suicide either, can I? I'm totally not typing that bitterly, ...

It is that time of year again, folks! The time of year when family members and favorite TV shows get ignored for an entire month, and grocery stores across the nation suffer from a mysterious shortage of coffee, notebooks, and writing material. The time of year when usually ordinary people go into a homicidal frenzy of mad typing, trying to reach that fifty-k word count by the end of November. It is NaNoWriMo people, and it is a beautiful thing. For those of you who have never participated, NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month)is an annual creative writing challenge that happens every November. The goal is to write 50,000 words any time between November 1st until the deadline at November 30th, 11:59 PM. You can sign up and start any time during the month of November, even if it is one minute until the end of deadline. Because hope springs eternal, I guess. There is also no system in place to prevent cheating (cutting and pasting someone...

Last Tuesday I learned the hard way that when the zombie apocalypse goes down, I am totally screwed because I'm no good in a crisis. In fact, I suck gopher wang. Worse: I suck unwashed gopher wang. Like this, only with more wang. Unwashed. My husband came home from work Tuesday afternoon looking like utter crap. More so than usual. I don't say that to be mean, trust me. Darren is a handsome man. He's also a diabetic, not in the best of health, and he's killing himself working two jobs-one of which requires some heavy lifting. He usually leaves for the first job around 7:30 in the morning(sometimes earlier), works until 3:30 or 4:00 PM, leaves for his second job, and comes home around 7:30 or 8:00 PM. That's a long goddamn day, and as you might expect, he's usually exhausted by the end of it. Last Tuesday was his short day, so I expected him to be tired, but not as bad off as he usually is when he's working both jobs. I couldn't have been more wron...

Y'all are gonna think I lost my damn mind with this one. To be fair, it's been a long day of rubbing backs, and I didn't have a lot of time to search the internet for interesting things to amuse my dear reader(s). But after some quick searching, I found a YouTube video of an American Horror Story cat parody from The Pet Collective 's archives. Follow them here on YouTube and enjoy this video while I take a long and much deserved Epsom salt bath.

Back when I was a kid, there were these little comic booklets church going adults would give to kids to keep them quiet and to set them along the righteous path. The main message of these booklets was that everyone needed to accept Jesus as their Lord and savior like right now or else. They also taught that everything in the world is pure evil, everything but Jesus and the bible. The King James version of the bible. Not those other...less reliable versions ? These comics were evangelical tracts written and drawn by a man named Jack T. Chick ( Chick tracts ), and they were awesome in their foolishness. According to the word of Jack Chick, the list of evil things includes homosexuality , Catholicism , pornography , any religion that isn't Christian (except Catholicism because Catholics are bad, for some reason), and  Dungeons & Dragons , to a name a few. D&D was one of the biggies. There was some ...