Doomtown

I should be so lucky. Yes, things got away from me again this week, but I did manage to snag an interview from my imaginary friend, who is quite cleverly named, Imaginary Friend. I usually only see him after my second drink, and I don't really talk to him much anymore since I started the one drink a month rule, but he was willing to sit down long enough for me to ask a few questions. Mostly because he needs the imaginary cash. Enjoy! IMAGINARY FRIEND: THE USUAL UNUSUAL DISCLAIMER: I, Karma Girl’s Imaginary Friend, being of sound mind but no “body” because I’m a creature of imagination—and possibly, delusion—do solemnly swear to tell the banana, the whole banana, and nothing by the bana—Wait…who the hell wrote this bullshit disclaimer? KARMA GIRL: How long have you been in the imaginary friend business? IF: How long have you been drinking Schnapps? KG: Am I your first “friend” or have there been others? IF: You aren’t the first...

The other day, a client asked me what the difference was between Swedish massage and deep tissue. If I had a dollar for every time I was asked that question...well, I wouldn't have enough money to quit my job, but I'd be able to pay my electric bill for the month. Since I have a limited amount of time to explain things between clients, I just tell them it's a difference in pressure which is true and not true at the same time. Since I'm not currently at work, I've decided to take time out of my busy schedule to explain the differences between the various modalities. Oh, and I'm running late with my third post of the month, so there's that too. 1. SWEDISH MASSAGE I've mentioned before that chair massage is massage with training wheels . It's what I suggest to clients who've never had a massage and are a bit leery over the whole "take off your clothes" thing. This is silly since Louisiana state law prohibits me from working on or eve...

I've been threatening to post a Fifty Shades live-tweet review for some time now, and every time, I've found better things to do. Like one day, it looked like rain. And the next, it was such a nice day, I didn't want to waste it. And you know, like pretty much anything else that didn't have to do with sitting in a movie theater while watching this film. But last Tuesday, I finally did my duty to blog and followers and saw the film. And yes, it was ALL of the awful. Although I've never read any of the books in E.L. James' series, I've always been careful not to put them down-at least, not too hard and not in front of a hardcore fan. I've learned the hard way what trash talking a book you've never read will earn you, and it isn't a light spanking from a rich hunk sporting a gray t-shirt. But much like Twilight , I'd heard enough about the general plot to know how bad it would be. And when I learned it was first conceived as Twilight fan...

I really need to stop reading the comments section of...well, just about any article/YouTube video/Facebook post I happen to come across. Reading any comments section-other than my own...so far-is a good way to gage just how full of stupid the internet can be. And it's getting harder and harder to tell what brand of stupid you're dealing with. I mean, you could be reading stupid in the form of an internet troll looking for attention via wacky hijinks and bile, or it could be the honest type of stupid that is Male Rights Activism . "'Cause in my day, women and minorities didn't exist except to make me a sammich and shine my shoes...GET OFF MY DAMN LAWN!" Yes, this is a thing . Because women are really getting out of hand with this "equal rights" shit. It's like, men gave us the right to vote and crap, right? We should be happy with earning 20% less than men. Surely our husbands will be happy to supplement our income with a little pin mone...

This post was supposed to be an entirely witty yet somewhat maudlin tribute to my Dad, but I don't have all the pictures I need and I need to verify some info from my Moms. If I have the time, I'll post it later, along with the promised minimum four posts a month (Doomtown Theater, Lazy Time Sunday Reblog, Massage post, and Feature Interview). Until then, please enjoy some funk. Downton Funk, Y'all! Brought to you by the guys at College Humor . Subscribe to their page for more irreverent videos.

Many of you- the two people who actually read this blog ...probably-must be wondering where the hell I've been since I haven't posted anything in, like, forever. It's been a while, I know, but I'm still here. I've just been too busy cursing Mardi Gras traffic and getting over a sinus infection. And trying to make it to yoga class. And catching up on all the stories I was supposed to read for the last writer's circle meeting I went to. And the stories from the meeting I missed due to the aforementioned sinus infection. Suffice it to say, I've been a busy, busy bee.   So, it's been close to ten years since I started this blog . A lot of you (both of you) might be wondering what I have planned for the year ahead. World domination is totally out of the question as I am too much of a procrastinating slacker to even come close to realizing that dream. Mostly I just plan to keep on writing like I always do and pray someone pays attention. And that someon...

If I've said it once , I've said it a thousand times . Facebook pervs are desperate. They must be if they're trying to hit up this . Then again, maybe there are some places where big boned women with a US citizenship such as myself are highly desirable. The common theme amongst all of these guys is that they are usually foreign. Well, that and their spelling grammar are atrocious. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not perfect when it comes to this, but at least I use spellcheck. At least I try, damn it!   Case in point: Jame Smith. Mr. Smith wanted to be "friends" because of my lovely appearance. Also, his thoughts went "wide"? I'm not sure what that means, but sure. Why not:     11/18, 7:18am Jame Smith Hello, what a lovely profile, you look lovely beyond imagination, i came across your lovely profile, my thought went wide, and i had to tell you how i feel about your lovely appearance, it will be a...