Wasn't feeling well last night, so I didn't have time to post a Lazy Time Reblog Sunday. Enjoy this Doomtown Theater presentation of A Thief in the Night instead. If you plan on emailing me telling me I'm the whore of Satan and how I'm going to burn in hell for all eternity, be aware that I reserve the right to blog our correspondence, and I will make fun of you mercilessly. You can find this masterpiece on Storify as well as Skeptical South, a blog for people who will probably not be taken up in the rapture. In other words, the cool kids.
Join me in less than 5 minutes for my live tweet movie review of #AThiefintheNight brought to you by #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Because as we all know, there’s no better way to save souls than scaring the living crap out of children. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Patty wakes up from a nightmare to discover the horrible truth: She’s in a bad rapture movie! #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Her husband Jim has been taken up in the rapture. His electric razor…was left behind! #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Patty thinks back to the time she could have been saved by some ginger hippy w/a nasally voice. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
This song brings back memories. “I wish we’d all been ready…to get this song out of our heads…” #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Patty, Diane, & Jenny at an amusement park. Someone’s laughing over the loudspeaker like a creepster. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Jenny listens sullenly 'cause she doesn’t have Jesus in her life. Or cause Diane is an irritating ho bag. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Unless you get saved and stop having fun altogether, any previous winking or ankle showing is all good. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
See, in Christian movies, Jenny is known as “The Good Girl”. She will not be going to hell yall. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
I forgot how truly awful the acting was in this movie. & the hair. I know I’m not one to talk, but still. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
One of em’s wearing a cowboy hat. Both have sideburns. This does not bode well. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
The chick at the teen center trying to save Jenny reminds me of a cultist. Or a Stepford wife. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Sideburn Jerry woos Diane with his best Bogart impression. I like Jerry. Too bad he’s going to hell. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Meanwhile Jim has the emotional range of what appears to be a block of wood. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
He will be matched up with Patty who is essentially a whiny fence sitter. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Jenny: I feel if I had wings I could fly. Cult Chick: But you don’t need wings now. Here’s some KoolAid. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Patty kills a cricket. For no discernible reason. I’m sure there’s an allegory somewhere there. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Patty: We met a nice couple of guys at the fair. Jenny: I met Jesus Christ. Patty: …okay then. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Kind of hard to concentrate with those tight shorts he’s wearing. I can totally see his package. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Now their playing that music you’d always hear in 70’s documentary films. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
More scenes of heathens out & about having fun. Jenny comes along for moral support or something. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Rev. Ginger Hippy preaches on. There’s a lot of that in this movie. Just FYI. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Tries to convince Jerry&Diane that Jesus is so much cooler than being a skank or good at impersonations. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Cause people living in torment for not believing like we do is just so amusing to the Christian. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
I got a feeling RevMat wont be taken in the rapture. His electric razor however might just have a chance! #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
I’m being serious. He looks like hes being electrocuted for 5 seconds, then goes back to the blank stare. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
They’re playing the type of musical score you hear in Biblical movies as they rush Jim to the hospital. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
I realize this is an important scene but I keep expecting Moses to pop up & hand Jerry a stone slab. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Patty is sporting a moomoo, but I can forgive that. It was the 70’s. They didn’t know better back then. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Jenny prays for Jim’s safety. This would be more touching if her curlers weren’t so distracting. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
She says it like she’s congratulating him on passing a kidney stone. These two are made for each other. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Jenny’s pastor is all business. None of that be good and go to heaven crap Rev. Mat is peddling. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
The camera keeps turning to the parishioners & they all have that same blank stare Jim has. Telling that. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
There’s a preterist watching this movie shaking their head and mumbling, “Uh, the fall of Rome. Duh.” #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Preacher: It’s all together possible that this man (antichrist) is active in politics today. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Close up on Jenny’s little sister Susan who is scared bug eyed. Special horror movie score included. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Susan comes home to find a pot on the stove and no mother. Obviously she’s been raptured. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
I’d say leaving a boiling pot on the stove and walking away isn’t very bright but I’ve done that so…. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
They finally get Susan calmed down. Probably by slapping her repeatedly: https://t.co/bGp0FZeZVz #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Susan: I knew for a long time I should ask Jesus into my heart, but I thought I could do it anytime. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
It’s like she’s confessing to having a drinking problem. “I thought I could give it up anytime I wanted…” #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Susan gives up on having any life of her own outside of her church and becomes saved. Amen. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Patty&Jim get married. Happy married life montage follows. Fishmarket Combo plays in the background. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Jim invites Jenny’s preacher over to talk about Jesus and to eat chips and dip. As God intended. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Patty: I was taught to do the best I can, believe in God, & hope for the best. Preacher: SINNER! #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Or give me an expression other than blank disinterest or painful surprise? #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
…I don’t know what to say to that that won’t be rage induced instead of my usual brand of hilarity. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Hes using the Christ’s blood/blood transfusion metaphor but frankly I’m too angry to say something witty. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Patty is looking at the chip bowl like, “I can’t believe I wasted a whole bag on the two of you.” #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Susan, having found Christ, finds time to play with her puppet and lick Jenny’s beaters. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
The following tweets should be sung to the beat of Fishmarket Combo’s I Wish We’d All Been Ready. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Jim wakes up to shave his face, the son has come. Will his electric shaver be left behind? #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Rev. Ginger Hippy goes out to mow his lawn, the son has come, will he be left behind? #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
A weird looking cloud floats up in the sky. It’s just a cloud. Who cares if it’s left behind? #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Pastor Balmer is taken. His sign is left behind. Except the letter R for some reason. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Five seconds after Jesus Hour and already the evil world order has its own TV network. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
IT’S ONLY BEEN A FEW HOURS PEOPLE! When has the UN ever taken less than a day to agree on anything? #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
This is why so many people turn to the dark side. Bad people have better organizational skills. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Now it’s time for the obligatory Newspaper Headlines full of scary stuff. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
When your government’s named after something that would get Darth Vadar’s approval, it’s not a good sign. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
UNITEGuy: The Imperium in no way wishes to infringe upon the rights of the citizens. Promise! #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
The guy in charge of the ID station is almost as emotionless as Jim. Only more scowly. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
I never noticed before but the mark of the beast looks kinda like a deformed game of tic tac toe. Huh. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Patty learns that even in a well organized evil bureaucracy, you have to wait around in long lines. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Patty must really like Diane. I’ve been to the DMV. I ain’t giving up my place in line for no ho. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
In a way, Diane sort of saves Patty’s soul here. I guess that makes her a skank ho with a heart of gold. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
UNITE PoPo is knocking on Patty’s door. Probably for something having to do with prolonged inconvenience. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Of course, she runs to Preacher Tolerance, the guy who got her into this mess in the first place. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
This is pretty much how anyone who’s ever had to deal with organized religion gets screwed. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
And they’re interrupted by UNITE PoPo. They weren’t thwarted this time ‘cause they didn’t knock. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Rev Mat: (x x)…that’s the emoticon for dead as all fuck, right? #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Lady Guard proves once again how easily evil can be thwarted by running away while evil’s back is turned. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Patty calls the only friends she knows were too cool to be saved-skank Diane & sideburns Jerry. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
They tell her to meet her by the damn where they totally won’t be waiting to betray her. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Whoever composed the score for this movie was high on something other than righteousness. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Patty abandons the van. She has a choice between forest or easily visible railroad tracks. Guess. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
They have her in their sights and turn the chopper the other way. These guys are useless. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
I know this is supposed to be a setup for her being betrayed by the cool kids et all, but seriously! #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Patty’s running to the damn & the stupid left behind song is playing again. I wish it’d stop already! #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
And as expected Skanky Diane & Sideburn Jerry are waiting for her. And they have the mark! #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Only it wasn’t. The radio makes it clear that she really is stuck in a bad rapture movie! #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
Thanks for joining me, and with any luck that song will only be stuck in your head for the next few days. #AThiefintheNight #DoomtownTheater— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) August 21, 2014
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