Sunday, June 28, 2015

Feature Interview: Karma Girl, AKA, Karen Williams, Author of Doomtown

Have you ever encountered the type of person that just couldn’t help putting things off until the last second? I’m talking about the kind of idiot who, when given an assignment will inevitably be found madly typing two hours before deadline, hoping they make it to zero hour with a finished project in hand. The type of person who, when out of ideas, will cobble something together that would make Frankenstein’s monster shudder and exclaim, “No, no, no! I think we could do better than that.” I know of no such person.
"The hell, you say! Arg."
On an unrelated note, this month’s Doomtown Feature Interview is with Karma Girl, AKA Karen Williams, massage therapist and blogger of that spiffy blog, Doomtown. It is quiet excellent. I’ve heard.

THE USUAL UNUSUAL DISCLAIMER: Don’t bother asking yourself if this whole thing is “meta”. You’ll give yourself a headache.

KARMA GIRL: How do we start this thing, anyway? Am I the interviewer or are you?

KAREN WILLIAMS: Since you asked the first question, might as well be you. I’m good either way.

KARMA GIRL: Nifty! I never realized how easy we are to get along with.

KAREN WILLIAMS: Yeah, we are pretty reasonable about things.

KARMA GIRL: Okay. Next question: The name of your blog is Doomtown. Why do you call it that?

KAREN WILLIAMS: When I started Doomtown ten years ago, I was a blackjack dealer at a casino called Boomtown Belle Casino in Harvey, Louisiana. I hated my job. My coworkers were all great, but I’ve never been big with the social skills-something you kind of need when dealing with verbally abusive drunk people you aren’t allowed to punch. I decided to pour all my work frustrations into a blog. The problem was there was this big controversy around that time regarding people getting fired for saying too much about their lives online. Since I felt a general air of doom every time I left for work, I decided to call my blog Doomtown to protect my identity.

KARMA GIRL: Now that you’re no longer a casino dealer, what is the current focus of your blog?

KAREN WILLIAMS: I’m a massage therapist and writer who loves making fun of cheesy movies, asking people stupid questions, and procrastinating to the point I have to reblog other people’s content. Figure it out.

KARMA GIRL: Fair enough. So, you’re a writer-


KARMA GIRL: Oh come on! I didn’t even ask the question yet.

KAREN WILLIAMS: I’m rewriting it. Next topic.


KAREN WILLIAMS: And stop rolling our eyes at us.

KARMA GIRL: Fine. (Eye Roll) How did you come up with the idea for Doomtown Theater?

KAREN WILLIAMS: I think I was looking for things to reblog when I came across this live-tweet review of Fifty Shades of Grey, the novel.


KAREN WILLIAMS: I know, right? Anyway, Luvvie, the woman who did the live-tweet, was incredibly funny, and I wondered how it would work if I tried it with a movie. I tried it, and it was fun, so I decided to make it a reoccurring thing.

KARMA GIRL: What are your plans for Doomtown in the future?

KAREN WILLIAMS: I’d say world domination, but let’s face it. I’m too damn lazy.



KARMA GIRL: Well, thanks for a lovely interview, me!

KAREN WILLIAMS: Uh, aren’t we forgetting something?

KARMA GIRL: Oh crap! I almost forgot it’s time for THE SERIOUS THREE. This is the segment of the interview where I ask the interviewee three exceptionally abstemious, amazingly serious questions.

KAREN WILLIAMS: We are so running out of synonyms for this segment. Okay. Let’s do this thing.

QUESTION #1: After reading our many blog posts about massage, I think a lot of our readers would like to know what exactly is a “happy ending” and why is it so distasteful?

KAREN WILLIAMS: Fire. Die in it. Moving on.

KARMA GIRL: But seriously, I think our readers might not-

KAREN WILLIAMS: Next. Question.

KARMA GIRL: Okay, okay. We don’t have to be like that.

QUESTION #2: Which would you rather? To be afflicted by some terrible dysfunction that makes it impossible to read books OR have the ability to read, but only if you read a Stephenie Meyer book first?

KAREN WILLIAMS: Would I still have my hearing?

KARMA GIRL: Sure. Why not?

KAREN WILLIAMS: The first. I can always listen to audio books.

QUESTION #3: Where can our readers find/stalk/follow us?

KAREN WILLIAMS: Well, they can follow us here on Doomtown. There’s also our Facebook and Twitter pages, but please don’t follow me just to sell me followers. Is there anything tackier?

KARMA GIRL: Is it as tacky as doing an interview with yourself? That’s pretty damn tacky, am I right?


KARMA GIRL: I mean, it’s like we aren’t even trying anymore.

KAREN WILLIAMS: Stop hitting yourself.

KARMA GIRL: Ha, ha, what-OW!


KARMA GIRL: You do realize you hit us both, right?

KAREN WILLIAMS: Still worth it.

Sunday, June 21, 2015

Massage Time: What You Knead to Know to Become a Massage Therapist

Clients often ask me, "What did you have to do to become a massage therapist? You have to go to school for that kind of thing?" I, being the puckish lass that I am, usually reply with a long story somewhere on the level of the twelve labors of Hercules. Sometimes, ninjas are mentioned. After we've both had a good laugh, they'll ask again, "No, really. What did you have to do?" So I tell them, and they're usually surprised at the amount of schooling required to be licensed and certified. And that doesn't include what I have to do to keep same.

It's a time consuming and costly endeavor to become an MT. You have to know all the muscles in the body, where they're located, and what they do, but that's just the start. You also need to know when you can or cannot work on a client (contraindications). You need to take an ethics class, probably because most people equate massage with quotation marks around the word. As I've mentioned before, I don't do "massage". I do massage. Don't EVER get the two confused if you ever want to receive a massage from me.

Those are just a few of the things I had to learn in school, and that doesn't include my yearly continuing education classes (12 units every year). So, just in case you were wondering, here's a list of the classes I had to take for Delgado Community College's Massage Therapy Certification program. Remember this the next time you tip your therapist a mesely two bucks. You bastard:

Introduction to Therapeutic Massage

History and development of therapeutic massage. Includes medical terminology, ethics, hygiene, safety, body mechanics, SOAP notes, and Heart Saver CPR Certification.

Foundation for Swedish Techniques 

Full-body Swedish massage. Massages performed on student clients. Includes anatomy, draping, body mechanics, indications and contraindications, and development of care/ treatment plan.

Muscle/Skeletal Anatomy and Palpation Skills

Comprehensive study of skeletal and muscular systems. Focuses on recognition and palpation of bony landmarks and on origins, insertions, actions, and palpation of muscles.

Sports Massage

Concepts and practice of sports massage. Includes pertinent anatomy and physiology, tissue response to stimulation, and application of sports massage techniques. Emphasizes major stress points and contraindications.

Neuromuscular/Deep Tissue Therapy

Concepts and practice of neuromuscular/deep tissue therapy. Includes postural evaluation, tissue evaluation, and trigger point palpation; discusses nerve compression and entrapments, ischemia, and stages of rehabilitation.

Fundamentals of Traditional Chinese Medicine

Concepts and techniques of traditional Chinese medicine. Includes 12 meridians, yin and yang, chi energy, the five elements, shiatsu, and acupressure.

Pathology for Massage Therapy

Recognition of human diseases. Develops practical understanding of when bodywork is indicated. Includes infirmities to which bodywork should not be applied.

Business/Ethics/Law in Massage Therapy Practice

Basic information necessary for massage practice. Discusses self-employment, target clientele, management, professional ethics, and business structure. Communicates state law relating to the practice of massage.

Topics for Special Populations

Current issues in massage therapy. Topics include the abused client, infant and child massage, the physically and/or psychologically challenged client, reflexology, aromatherapy, healing touch, hydrotherapy, and the elderly client.

Massage Therapy Clinical I - III

Application of massage techniques on public clientele. Setting appointments, professional appearance, draping techniques, recordkeeping are included under instructor’s supervision.

Human Anatomy and Physiology I - II

Systemic survey of human body. Emphasizes structure, function, and chemical mechanisms.

Human Anatomy and Physiology Laboratory I - II

Hands-on experience in microscopy. Dissection required.

Sunday, June 14, 2015

Doomtown Theater Presents: Zombeavers

The so-bad-it's-good genre of movie is a hard one to pull off. Usually when it happens, the creator of the film is going for serious drama, not laughs. Some film makers are willing to accept this type of thing in stride. Mountains of money will do wonders for loss of dignity.

Pictured above: Sweet consolation.

I'm not sure what the creators of Zombeavers were going for. Either they were attempting to make a SBIG horror story like Sharknado, or they were honestly hoping for a Cabin in the Woods style of horror. It's hard to say. Either way, they failed. The plot and the truly terrible special effects could have worked for SBIG, but the characters weren't funny, unintentional or otherwise. They were irritating, and I prayed for their deaths just to get them to shut up. The dialogue seemed like the writers were trying for unintentional humor, but most of the "jokes" fell flat. Zombeavers had its moments and might have been improved with better editing and some changes to the script, but as is, I wouldn't pay money for a ticket to see the sequel if ever there is one. Not even for a live-tweet review.

Unfortunately, I can't unwatch the first movie. So without further ado, here's this month's Doomtown Theater.

Sunday, June 07, 2015

Lazy Time Reblog Sunday: Doomtown

I know what you're thinking. Picking a post from my own blog goes beyond lazy and straight into lackadaisical nihilism, but there's a method to my apathy. This Wednesday, I'll be celebrating Doomtown's ten year anniversary. Because I'm lazy, I probably won't do anything more taxing then put up a few extra posts, order a pizza, and break open the bottle of Champagne I bought on clearance. Because I know how to party. Ha.

So, in honor of ten years (nonconsecutive in the case of 2007 and 2010) of socially awkward ranty goodness, here is Doomtown's very first post entitled, Welcome to My Hell. The title says it all. Enjoy!

Friday, June 10, 2005

Welcome To My Hell

I promised myself I would never stoop to starting one of these damn things. As a kid, I had an obsession with unfinished diaries. I would see one at a book store, ooh and ahh over the thing. I would buy it. I would keep it for a week, tops. Then I would throw it in my bedroom closet to be forgotten until sometime in the next decade when I bothered to clean my room. There I would find it rotting with a dozen other journals, diaries, and notebooks chock full of the same old whiny crap kids write when they're in the mood to write instead of burning their retinas watching hours of television. And boy was I ever an angsty little punk! If you're good(and I get drunk or stupid)I might post a few excerpts from my embarrassing past.

"Dear Diary, I have a white girl afro perm now...sigh."

Chances are, this blog will be just as whiny. The only difference between a sixteen year old Karma Girl and a twenty-year old Karma Girl is that instead of bitching about school, acne, and the "incredible pain of being" she will be bitching about work, her sagging ass, and the "incredible pain of being annoyed". Be prepared.