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Showing posts from 2015

Doomtown Feature Interview: The Crazy Homeless Guy on the Corner of Poydras and South Claiborne Avenue

I was driving to work one day, trying to think of a good interview subject, when I happened upon a homeless guy standing on the corner of Poydras Street. He was holding a sign warning of the dangers of a coming Martian invasion, and begging for money. To be fair, I'm not sure if Mr. Shazam Dynamite-the name he gave me-is truly one of the city's disenfranchised. He claimed to have a home and plenty to eat but needed the money for the spaceship he is building to escape the "Red Menace". Here's the scoop I was able to get from him while waiting for the light to turn green.

Karma Girl: Can you tell me how you ended up here?

Shazam Dynamite: Took the bus.

KG: I meant how you came to be at such a low point in your life, but sure. What's up with the sign?

Shaz: The Meanies, they follow me, but I'm too smart for them. Gave 'em the slip.

KG: The Meanies?

Shaz: The Red Meanies. The Red Menace.

KG: ...Communists?

Shaz: (Gives me an irritated groan) No,you idiot!I think…

Massage Time: Calories, Calories, Calories...

After five months of eating everything in sight, I've decided it's time to get back on the wagon. Again. I know, I know. I've done this before. In my defense, my entire dieting regiment was thrown off kilter in May when I was dealing with an excruciatingly painful canker sore on the roof of my mouth. By the time it healed, I would have raised Terry Pratchett from the dead and punched him in his awesome face if it meant I could eat anything that wasn't of a cold mashed potato consistency. I love me some Terry Pratchett, but I love food more.

So I'm back to calorie counting and exercising. I've even added swimming to my workout routine. It's a good calorie burner, even though I need a freaking life belt to keep afloat. You would think with all the junk I have in my trunk I wouldn't need a floatation device. I asked Neesa Johnson, a colleague of mine, her opinion on the matter, and she suggested to me that I might have high bone density which causes people …

Doomtown Theater Presents: Best Little Whorehouse in Texas

Join me at 9:30PM for this month's #Doomtown Theater Presentation of #BestLittleWhorehouse In Texas. #Yeehaw! — Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) September 22, 2015
Less than 30 minutes before we get to heaven. If heaven has big hair & a madam that looks like Dolly Parton. #Doomtown#BestLittleWhorehouse — Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) September 23, 2015
Just letting yall know, I'll be doing this DTP tipsy. Because my 'puter is an asshole & I need a drink. #BestLittleWhorehouse — Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) September 23, 2015
Opening shot: Hostered gun and old timey nudie pics. #MustbeTexas#BestLittleWhorehouse — Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) September 23, 2015
Gomer Pyle acts as narrator. Because why not. #BestLittleWhorehouse — Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) September 23, 2015
The part of brothel Madam Miss Mona is played by Dolly Parton (@DollyParton) and Dolly Parton’s boobs. #BestLittleWhorehouse — Karen Williams (@karmagrl312…

Lazy Time Reblog Sunday: 1000 Awesome Things

These past couple months have been sheer hell. Not just the ordinary, run of the mill hell. Sheer. Hell. Which is only slightly better than absolute hell, but not as good as...well, good. I've been dealing with uncontrollable food cravings, wacked out mood swings, and an existential crisis of infinite proportions. I'm not pregnant. In fact, if my recently fired gynecologist had his way, I'd never have children at all. But that's a blog post for another day. Instead, here are a few awesome things to cheer us all up! This month's Lazy Time Reblog Sunday is dedicated to Neil Pasricha and his aptly named blog, 1000 Awesome Things. Pasricha started the blog in 2008 after his divorce and a close friend's suicide encouraged him to find those "bright spots in the darkness". So here's Awesome Thing #160. Be sure to buy one of Mr. Pasricha's manybooks and/or submit an awesome thing of your own. #160 Going really fast over speed bumps in the back of a school…

Blog Update: Don't Panic! I'm Still Here.

I promised four posts a month, and I intend to keep that month. This month has been kind of a bitch to me, so there will only be two posts for the month of August. Three if you count this one. I'll update the Doomtown Theater post soon and get back on schedule with next month's Lazy Time Reblog next Sunday. Promise.

Here's a cute puppy meme to get you through until next post.

Join Me Tuesday for This Month's Doomtown Theater: This is the End

Join me Tuesday the 18th at 10:30 PM for this month's Doomtown Theater live-tweet movie review. I'll be reviewing This is the End, with Seth Rogen and Jay Baruchel, a movie that tells you just how well Hollywood's finest will fair during the rapture.

Lazy Time Reblog Sunday: The Consumerist

According to an article I read in the Consumerist, McDonald's has been trying out an all-day breakfast menu at a few select locations. This would be all of the awesome since I love me some breakfast. Also because I love their Egg White Delight McMuffin. That and their apple slices make McDonald's one of the few places I can trick myself into thinking I'm eating healthy. Chick-Fil-A is another, but they've gotten my order wrong so often, I only go to them when I'm desperate. Also, they've held me captive in their drive-thru one too many times. Twenty minutes for an egg and cheese bagel and a damn fruit cup? Really Chick-Fil-A? Really?

Unfortunately, my hopes of an all-day egg white breakfast sandwich might be dead in the water before it even sets sail according to yet another article, also by the Consumerist. Turns out the rising cost of eggs due to an ongoing avian flu epidemic is causing the Golden Arches to reconsider their plans.

Thanks Consumerist. Thanks fo…

Doomtown Feature Interview: Stephanie Webb, Comedian

The Usual Unusual Disclaimer: The jokes on this blog are for entertainment purposes only. Doomtown is not responsible for any injuries acquired while laughing your ass off, nor will we provide the reader with a new ass as replacement. Doomtown is not responsible for, and expressly disclaims all liability for, damages of any kind arising out of use, reference to, or reliance on any information contained within the site that might make the reader feel butt hurt enough to sue us. Should the reader still desire to bring suit against the blog, please feel free to contact our lawyers at Dewey, Cheatem, and Howe.

Karma Girl: How did you get into the comedy/improv biz? Did it have something to do with rubber chickens?
Stephanie Webb: I've always had a passion for comedy. A few years ago I even started writing sketches for fun, I had the itch, as they say, but I didn't know where to go from there.  Not too long after I was working as a hostess at a restaurant, one of the pastry chefs the…

Massage Time: Sage Wagner, Voted New Orleans Top 20 Professionals

My friend and coworker Sage Wagner of Sage Bodywork Nola and Balance Spa and Fitness was voted one of New Orleans' 2015 top 20 professionals in VIP Magazine. He is most awesome. Check him out in VIP Magazine's 16th issue (Page 33). Book your massage with him today. I command you!

Join Me Tuesday for This Month's Doomtown Theater: Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death

Join me on Twitter this Tuesday for Doomtown Theater's live-tweet review of Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death, a movie about feminism, avocados, and whatever the hell Bill Maher was doing before Politically Incorrect.

Lazy Time Reblog Sunday: D.J. Paris...the Person, Not the City in France

After working an entire day in a pair of pants that are one donut away from not fitting me anymore, I read this and laughed. I really needed that. This month's Lazy Time Reblog is dedicated to D.J. Paris and his blog, Thoughts From Paris. You can follow him here on Twitter or here on Facebook, and be sure to subsribe to his blog.

I Used to Wear Tight Jeans – A Confession

There has been an unfortunate trend over the past few years where men, usually in their late-teens to early twenties, have started to purchase and wear “skinny” jeans.  I’m talking about the jeans that are not just tight in the seat or waist, but in the legs, too.

I think most of us can agree that this is not a masculine look.  I’m not saying it’s a terrible look.  I don’t like it, personally.  But guys dress for women and men wouldn’t be wearing jeans like this if girls didn’t respond.  It’s strikingly effeminate in my opinion, and my experience with women is that they respond more to masculinity.  But wh…

Feature Interview: Karma Girl, AKA, Karen Williams, Author of Doomtown

Have you ever encountered the type of person that just couldn’t help putting things off until the last second? I’m talking about the kind of idiot who, when given an assignment will inevitably be found madly typing two hours before deadline, hoping they make it to zero hour with a finished project in hand. The type of person who, when out of ideas, will cobble something together that would make Frankenstein’s monster shudder and exclaim, “No, no, no! I think we could do better than that.” I know of no such person. On an unrelated note, this month’s Doomtown Feature Interview is with Karma Girl, AKA Karen Williams, massage therapist and blogger of that spiffy blog, Doomtown. It is quiet excellent. I’ve heard.
THE USUAL UNUSUAL DISCLAIMER: Don’t bother asking yourself if this whole thing is “meta”. You’ll give yourself a headache.
KARMA GIRL: How do we start this thing, anyway? Am I the interviewer or are you?
KAREN WILLIAMS: Since you asked the first question, might as well be you. I’m goo…

Massage Time: What You Knead to Know to Become a Massage Therapist

Clients often ask me, "What did you have to do to become a massage therapist? You have to go to school for that kind of thing?" I, being the puckish lass that I am, usually reply with a long story somewhere on the level of the twelve labors of Hercules. Sometimes, ninjas are mentioned. After we've both had a good laugh, they'll ask again, "No, really. What did you have to do?" So I tell them, and they're usually surprised at the amount of schooling required to be licensed and certified. And that doesn't include what I have to do to keep same.

It's a time consuming and costly endeavor to become an MT. You have to know all the muscles in the body, where they're located, and what they do, but that's just the start. You also need to know when you can or cannot work on a client (contraindications). You need to take an ethics class, probably because most people equate massage with quotation marks around the word. As I've mentioned before, I…