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Reminders of My Zealot Past

I was raised Pentecostal. Assembly of God-hellfire-damnation-do-as-I-say-the-bible-says-and-whatever-you-do-don't-go-thinking-for-yourself-'cause-that-way-leads-to-trouble-Pentecostal. At least, that's the type of church my family attended when they did go. My parents liked to practice their own brand of submarine Christianity. We'd go if there was a crisis in our lives. My older sister comes home hung over after a night of partying. "Let's go to church!" My live-in cousin turns out to be a would-be rapist with a drug problem. "Let's see what the Lord can do to heal this family!" My father dies...So on and so forth. Once the crisis was averted-or when my mom figured whatever was on TV that Sunday was more inspiring than a sermon-we'd blow off church until the next crisis. I think most Christians are like that.

Today I'm a born-again Agnostic which means I believe in the possibility of a god, but I won't place bets on whether He/She/It really exists, much less what religion He/She/It subscribes to. I don't think anyone has cornered the market on truth.
Lately, it has become in vogue to put down the Christian faith, which I find is just as bad as the Christians putting down everyone else. It's also an unwise course of action seeing as most Christians love to be made martyrs. Putting their faith on the barbecue grill is as good as giving them head. They live for that shit! The problem is, they keep doing stupid shit that gets them into so much trouble with the secular world that they might as well be lighting the match themselves.

This brings me to a little web blog I found through
Cruel Site of the Day. Apparently some sixteen year old gay kid named Zach came out of the closet to his Christian parents. They took it pretty well considering their faith-by carting him off to some Christian boot camp that's suppose to degayify him in a few short weeks. This is as calm and rational as most Christians get when it comes homosexuality. The boot camp is called Love in Action (who makes up the names for these places anyway?) and apparently the moron who runs it thinks it would be better for his clients to commit suicide than to quit his program. At least, that's what everyone is saying he said. Whether the comment is true or not, it fits with what most Christians think: Better to lead a miserable lie of a life or die than to give up what some pasty-assed minister thinks is the love of the one true god.

Reading Zach's blog, I had to wonder what my parents would have done had I been gay and decided to tell them. I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have thrown me in a Christian gulag (they couldn't have afforded it), but I have to wonder if they wouldn't have called some people from the church to "pray" over me. This is what happened that night my sister stumbled home drunk and is one of the many reasons I am not a heavy drinker today.

Screaming, "In the name of Jesus, begone foul spirit!" isn't helping my hangover, bitches.


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