Tuesday, December 16, 2008

In the Beginning...

I'm working on the Agnostic version of the creation story. Here's what I have so far:

In the Beginning…testing…testing…one, two, three…Is this thing on?

In the Beginning the Great Scientist created the heavens and the earth…wait, I’m getting a big ahead of myself. Let’s try that again.

In the Beginning the universe was a void without form ruled by dark matter {for definition, see end notes document 13924, Tree of Knowledge (tm)}. And the Great Scientist said, Let there be a singularity. And there was a grand explosion or implosion depending on your point of view. And then there was light.

Gasses and particles expanded throughout the void colliding and commingling and dividing thus creating the nebulae and the stars. These stars combined and commingled creating the galaxies, creating the solar systems and all the satellites therein.

And thus the heavens were born and everything within the firmament. And the Great Scientist looked upon these conditions seeing these things were within the perimeters required and concluded, It is adequate.

This took many eons.

And the Great Scientist said, Let there be a star and revolving around this star let there be an accretion disc.

And out of this material many satellites were formed including the earth which collided into its sister satellite Theia {named after the Great Scientist’s ex-girlfriend in high school who did about as much damage} and from this the moon was formed, stabilizing the earth’s axis of rotation {proving that the philandering trollop was of some use after all}.



I am so going to hell for this one.

2 comments:

  1. Maybe you're going to hell, but I like the path this story is taking, looking forward to the rest... :)

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  2. Just wait until I get to the three Eves portion of the story. All I can say is it's a good thing I'm agnostic.

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