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PETA Hates Me

You know, when I wrote the article about Old Red I had a feeling someone would get offended and call me out for it. As it happens, I was right.

First, I'd like to say I'm not a marine biologist. I can pick a lobster out of a line up of other crustaceans but that's about it. Ask me about their natural habitat or to name their most common natural predator and I'm at a loss. I didn't do my research on this. Bad one on me but hey, I didn't think I would be tested on it as I was attempting humor, not a dissertation on the plight of homarus americanus.

Second, I don't eat lobster. Not for moral reasons but for reasons of taste. I prefer crawfish and shrimp. If you plan on laying a sermon on me for this, don't bother. Lions and tigers and other carnivores don't make apologies for their eating habits. Neither will I. I was raised to be an omnivore. I will die one.

I have to admit it does raise certain questions. If the planet were suddenly taken over by ravenous aliens who feasted on the flesh of humans, do you think there would be a small contingent of vegan aliens protesting cruelty to the species? Would said contingent keep some of us as pets and force us to wear human identification collars and those ugly little sweaters dog owners think are cute or would they want us to live in our natural habitat? What is the natural habitat of a human? The mall?

And come on! You can't tell me you wouldn't be begging for death if you lived to be that old. Unless technology has progressed to the point where they could stick your brain in a cyborg body...yeah, that would be cool!


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