Thursday, January 24, 2013

Reading Assignments and the Essay From Hell

Finished reading Twilight and boy is my sense of self respect tired. It was everything I expected and more. Leaden plot, check! One dimensional characters, check! Sparkly vampires, alas, Check! The plot can be summed up as such: Nothing happens. Nothing happens. Bella gets in trouble. Edward saves her. Nothing happens, Nothing happens, Bella does something stupid and gets in trouble. Edward saves her. Nothing happens. Nothing happens. Vampires play baseball. The villain is introduced. The action rises for fives seconds while Bella is hunted by said villain and almost dies. Edward saves her. The end.

That's the plot in a nutshell, interspersed with the main character's constant fawning over Edward's god-like beauty and just plain spiffiness. It was enough to make me want to hurl, and I swear I have a headache from all the eye rolling. My eyesight may never recover. My coworker Misty claims the series gets better. I love ya Misty, but I'm gonna have to take your word on that.

In spite of all its flaws, I still have to admit that Stephenie Meyer is a better writer than me, or she has a better proofreader and/or editor, at the very least. It's humbling or shall I say humiliating, to realize this. I might just slit a wrist.

So what's next on my reading list? The True Story of Hansel and Gretel by Louise Murphy. I've read it before, but it's a good book and I need something to rinse away the taste of bad vampire fiction...my own included. That is, if I have the time to read anything besides text books. I started school this week and I have a feeling my free time is going to be taken up by studying fractals and relearning how to write an essay in two hours on a subject I have no clue about and can only hope to bullshit my way through. Oh, and I have to hand write it! Booya! I haven't handwritten anything besides my signature for years and for good reason. Deciphering my chicken scratch is a task best left to a master cryptographer versed in ancient Cathulhic languages. Which is why this entry is being handwritten before I set it to type. I need the practice.

*Author's note* I couldn't read half of what I wrote so I just winged it. Enjoy!

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