Skip to main content

Paint Me Like You Paint Your French Sex Dolls

My sister Tammy is getting married this Saturday, and I'm her maid of honor. As such, I was told that I would be responsible for planning the bachelorette party. My first thought was, "Crap! I'm going to have to figure out a place to have this thing. I'm going to have to figure out catering and booze and make sure everyone has a designated driver. I'm going to have to hire a stripper." My next thought was, "I'm going to have to hire a stripper. Hell yeah!" This thought came moments before she told me that absolutely, under no circumstances was I to hire a male stripper to this shindig. Kill all my fun, why don't you. Because I love my sister-and because she's going to be the matron of honor in my wedding and will find all sorts of clever ways to get her revenge should I disregard her wishes-I did as I was told. I'm a good girl, I am.

What could have been.

The venue, at least, was easy enough to figure out. She wanted to have it at Painting With a Twist. For those of you not in the know, PWT is a class where local artists guide a bunch of hapless art noobs through the process of painting a chosen piece of artwork. You can attend a public event on their calendar, or you can book a private party. After a bit of back and forth between Tammy and the guys at PWT, I set up the party for the eighth of February, Saturday night. Tammy picked out her painting and gave me the guest list. She even set up a Facebook event page for her guests to RSVP. We bought a couple of food trays, I emptied out my liquor cabinet, and we got there early to set up. Me being me, I figured that before this night was over, something would go horribly awry. I couldn't have been more wrong. Besides two no-shows, everything went off without a hitch, and fun was had by all. But I can't take credit for all the success of this big to do. No, for that I will have to give credit where credit is due. I'd like to thank all the lovely employees at the Gretna location of Painting With a Twist for putting up with a bunch of tipsy art noobs. But mostly, I'd like to thank our surprise guest, Brad.

Brad, in all his glory.

At first, we were all a little leery when Tammy's coworker, Cheree, introduced him to us, but he quickly became the life of the party. Especially since he was more than willing to join in on the fun.

Brad, surveying his canvas.

While the rest of us despaired at our dubious art skills, Brad demonstrated his genius by yelling, "Screw this grapes and wine glass shit! I'm going to paint a Brad original!" And paint it, he did.

Brad displays his talent for good art...and wooing the ladies!

As the night went on, it became clear that among us sat a true Picasso. A very sexy Picasso.

The chosen artwork.

Brad's finished product.

PWT artist/helper examines Brad's work with much praise and adulation.

Suffice it to say, Brad's painting was the best of the bunch, and we all fell in love with him for it. In fact, I don't think there was a woman among us that didn't want to take him home with her. Alas, Brad's heart-and other organs-belonged to only one woman. He is currently residing in the trunk of my sister's car, possibly awaiting the day she will give her current fiancĂ© his walking papers and elope with him instead.

A sex doll can dream.


  1. Anonymous11:17 AM

    Actually, I was going to say something similar, for a practical reason, I read your blog at work sometimes and to have photos like that pop up without warning is a bit incriminating for me. Although I can see your point in using them too. cheeky butlers brighton

    1. Sorry if this got you into trouble, but the title should have hinted at the minor naughtiness. Thanks for reading, though.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Five Things You Didn't Know Could Happen During a Massage

Everyone likes a good massage. Well, almost everyone. There are some that cringe at the very idea of being naked in a room while a total stranger rubs them down. These people are either crazy or have never had a massage before and don't know what they're missing. There are also the ones that like massage a little too much and should feel free to do to themselves what they erroneously believe they are paying me to do to them. Also, read item number 3 of this blog article I wrote in November of 2012 and follow the instructions therein.

But for those of you who are just looking for a nice, perfectly innocent, legal, and in no way rage inducing way to relax, massage is the way to go. That said, there are a few things you should be prepared for before getting that first massage. Things such as...


I once had a client come in for a deep tissue massage who must have eaten a very big, extremely gassy meal right before climbing onto my tab…

Top 5 Things That Drive Your Massage Therapist Crazy

I recently read an article titled 8 Things Your Masseuse Doesn't Want You to Know. After reading it thoroughly, I've come to the conclusion that the LMT's (licensed massage therapists, for those of you not in the know) interviewed either haven’t been in the business for very long, or really hate their jobs. For example, one of the items mentioned that most massage therapists get scared when their clients snore. I don't buy that. I think if a client is relaxed enough to fall asleep on my table, I'm doing a damn fine job. Isn't snoring like applause for massage therapists? It is to me.
It got me to thinking of my own personal pet peeves though, so I tried googling Things Your LMT Hates or Things That Drive Your Masseuse to Drinking, but these searches provided no useful data, and quite frankly I’d like to know what insane, perverted monkey Google put in charge of their search engine for me to come up with this list:

Since Google failed me miserably, I thought I wou…

Facebook PM Mating Call 2: Take the Hint Perv

If the internet has taught me anything over the years, it's this: No matter how unattractive you think you are, no matter how homely you might be, there will always be that one pervert who will whack off to your profile picture and beg you for cyber sex in a Facebook private message chat. And chances are, this pervert will misspell everything he types and mangle the English language beyond recognition. I consider myself an understanding, open minded person. People get lonely. I get that. If you never ask, you'll never know. But when someone tells you they're married and not interested in your need to "take out sperm", you should take what they say at face value and try to hit up someone else. Especially when they tell you they have a history of blogging morons who won't take no for an answer. Case in point:

Being NiladriSekhar Ghosh: Hello

Karma Girl: Hello

Being Niladri Sekhar Ghosh: Wassup

Karma Girl: Goofing off on Facebook and waiting for my husband to come h…