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John Ehret High 20 Year Reunion Information Sheet: What the Hell I've Been Doing For the Past 20 Years

There's nothing more depressing than finding out your twenty year high school reunion is just around the corner, especially since I never did much with my life. I would love to pull a Martin Blank and tell everyone I became a brain surgeon or what not while simultaneously leading them to believe I became some kind of covert operative/killer for hire, but let's face it, I'm no John Cusack nor have I ever been. I was a fat, pimply face kid in high school and even more socially awkward than I am now. I've decided to go anyway. Mostly because I like to punish myself. They even had an information sheet for all us old timers to fill out. Of course, I answered these questions with the usual grace and aplomb I am known for. Here are the highlights:

John Ehret High School - Class of 1994
20 Year Reunion Information Sheet


Children: Number: 0

Names & Ages: I'm childless, but if I had a child, I would probably name it Abstinence or Purity or something 'cause I totally dig irony.

Your Occupation /Employer: Massage therapist and writer of witty quips

Degrees – Schools Attended: Delgado Community College (Massage Therapy Certification)

School of Hard Knocks (Life)

Awards/Special Recognitions:
Made it a whole day without logging onto Facebook. The fact that my internet connection was out that day should not count against me on this.

Won Nanowrimo two years running.

Still breathing. That counts...right?

Military Service, Rank, and # of Years: Anyone who has ever taken PE with me knows better than to ask me if I ever joined the military.

Organizations: Better at disorganization and procrastination. Sadly, there were no clubs for this in high school.

Hobbies/Activities Currently Involved In:
Reading stuff.

Writing stuff.

Trying to start a scrapbooking habit and remembering I was never good at art.

Plotting to take over the world. Maybe tomorrow night.

More procrastination.

Keep in Touch with Social Media: Your Facebook Name:

Your Twitter Name:

Your Instagram Name: I have yet to be sucked into having an Instagram account. Only a matter of time though. God help me.

Activities/Organizations During High School:
Sitting at a desk, keeping my mouth shut for fear a teacher would call upon me.

I vaguely recall writing for the school paper. I think. I've blocked so much of that stuff out, but my shrink tells me I'm making progress.

I might have tried out for the basketball team. I'm 5'1" and as athletic as a sloth on opiates. I was never on the honor roll either. Go figure.

Wrote a short story for one of my teachers that caused her to have a "discussion" with my mother regarding my mental well-being. Honestly, I'm amazed she was able to read my handwriting.

Most Memorable Moment from High School Days: That time that thing happened to that guy that day. You know what I'm talking about.

Something You Know Now that You Wish You Would have Known in 1994: The winning lotto numbers. Oh, and you're going to fall in love with an idiot a few years down the'll find someone better. Stop pining you moron.

In 1994, what was your desired profession? Not being in high school. Also, a writer. Because I've always been a masochist.

Favorite Teacher from High School: Anyone that didn't  call on me to answer a question or do math. No offense to all you math teachers out there. It's just that you do strange magics with numbers I could never fully comprehend.

Favorite Song from High School: "Long Way Down" by Michael Penn released in 1992 and pretty much anything you'd find on an Oldies station in the 90's. For all you whippersnappers out there, "Oldies" meant anything from the 50's or 60's back then. Now, get off my damn lawn.


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