Doomtown

I should be so lucky. Yes, things got away from me again this week, but I did manage to snag an interview from my imaginary friend, who is quite cleverly named, Imaginary Friend. I usually only see him after my second drink, and I don't really talk to him much anymore since I started the one drink a month rule, but he was willing to sit down long enough for me to ask a few questions. Mostly because he needs the imaginary cash. Enjoy! IMAGINARY FRIEND: THE USUAL UNUSUAL DISCLAIMER: I, Karma Girl’s Imaginary Friend, being of sound mind but no “body” because I’m a creature of imagination—and possibly, delusion—do solemnly swear to tell the banana, the whole banana, and nothing by the bana—Wait…who the hell wrote this bullshit disclaimer? KARMA GIRL: How long have you been in the imaginary friend business? IF: How long have you been drinking Schnapps? KG: Am I your first “friend” or have there been others? IF: You aren’t the first...

The other day, a client asked me what the difference was between Swedish massage and deep tissue. If I had a dollar for every time I was asked that question...well, I wouldn't have enough money to quit my job, but I'd be able to pay my electric bill for the month. Since I have a limited amount of time to explain things between clients, I just tell them it's a difference in pressure which is true and not true at the same time. Since I'm not currently at work, I've decided to take time out of my busy schedule to explain the differences between the various modalities. Oh, and I'm running late with my third post of the month, so there's that too. 1. SWEDISH MASSAGE I've mentioned before that chair massage is massage with training wheels . It's what I suggest to clients who've never had a massage and are a bit leery over the whole "take off your clothes" thing. This is silly since Louisiana state law prohibits me from working on or eve...

I've been threatening to post a Fifty Shades live-tweet review for some time now, and every time, I've found better things to do. Like one day, it looked like rain. And the next, it was such a nice day, I didn't want to waste it. And you know, like pretty much anything else that didn't have to do with sitting in a movie theater while watching this film. But last Tuesday, I finally did my duty to blog and followers and saw the film. And yes, it was ALL of the awful. Although I've never read any of the books in E.L. James' series, I've always been careful not to put them down-at least, not too hard and not in front of a hardcore fan. I've learned the hard way what trash talking a book you've never read will earn you, and it isn't a light spanking from a rich hunk sporting a gray t-shirt. But much like Twilight , I'd heard enough about the general plot to know how bad it would be. And when I learned it was first conceived as Twilight fan...

I really need to stop reading the comments section of...well, just about any article/YouTube video/Facebook post I happen to come across. Reading any comments section-other than my own...so far-is a good way to gage just how full of stupid the internet can be. And it's getting harder and harder to tell what brand of stupid you're dealing with. I mean, you could be reading stupid in the form of an internet troll looking for attention via wacky hijinks and bile, or it could be the honest type of stupid that is Male Rights Activism . "'Cause in my day, women and minorities didn't exist except to make me a sammich and shine my shoes...GET OFF MY DAMN LAWN!" Yes, this is a thing . Because women are really getting out of hand with this "equal rights" shit. It's like, men gave us the right to vote and crap, right? We should be happy with earning 20% less than men. Surely our husbands will be happy to supplement our income with a little pin mone...